remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
