I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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