i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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