Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
