Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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