Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
