So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
