idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
