did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
