I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
