At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
