I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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