yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
