I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
