Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
