Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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