My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
