I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
