After last night, I could never be a politician.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
