I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
