'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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