Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it because I queefed?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize