the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
