covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
