Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize