I wannas sexs uuuuu
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
