Betty ford says i'm here all night
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
