Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
