do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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