I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
me + whiskey = a bad person
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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