She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So vagazzling was a success
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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