i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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