I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
