remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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