Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
