I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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