Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize