She just used a chaser for red wine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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