I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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