Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
