i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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