I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
