Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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