i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
