Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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