This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
