i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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