Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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