He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
