i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
