Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
