WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
