Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
