At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
