well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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