We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
