please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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