So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
