haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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