i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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