Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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