Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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