i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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