I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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