I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
