oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
