2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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