rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize