he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
