and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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