My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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