then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
